Where do I even start?

I asked myself the question just over 4 years ago after devastatingly being asked for a divorce on April Fools day. Where do I even start? 

At the time I had a daughter in pre-school and I was a stay-at-home mom with my 2 1/2 year old son as well as running the family business at the time - Saguaro 4x Components. We (my husband, his parents, brother and uncle) fabricated after-market jeep armor that we sold and shipped all over the world. 

I pretty much ran that entire business on my own while everyone went to their day-jobs. I loved it. Now I really had to focus though. I needed to get organized and see what I needed for income and how I was going to get that because that family business didn't pay me a dime. So, I put together a simple budget and put in applications at a few places. It had never really been difficult for me to obtain employment in my past. It usually just kinda fell in my lap. But after a week of having nobody respond to my applications or resume's, I started to panic. So, I went back to the last place I worked before I had my son. I left on good terms with them and had decided I wanted to stay at home with him because we had already started the business by then and I thought it was really going to take off and that's what I would do! Anyways, after talking with my old boss, he agreed to bring me back on. I started back at IFA Country Store as a cashier on April 17th, 2012. 

My mom watched my son for me during the day and my daughter in the afternoon on the weeks I had my kids (every other week) I didn't earn much, but it kept me busy and it payed my bills and I was able to keep the really nice apartment out of the divorce. I kept telling myself it wasn't permanent, that I'd get moved up at IFA and start earning enough to get off of government support. Fast Forward to 2014. I had gone from earning $8.50/hr to $9.99/hr and I was starting to have major problems with my back which lead to my first diagnosis of Degenerative Disc Disease. May 17th, 2014 I woke up and tried to get out of bed and my legs would not move. It was as if I was paralyzed from the waist down. I called into work to let them know I was headed to the hospital. I received a text from my boss 3 hours later that said I was fired. Well crap. A few weeks later I was holding my boyfriends mare still and she had a mule tied to her saddle. He warned me that the mule may try to take off and it did, right around the front of the mare who had stepped on the back of my jeans causing me to trip and the mule stomped right on the top of me and continued to paw at me as if I was a threat. The mare finally pulled the mule off of me but I had a cut on my head, bruises all over my legs, back and arms and several cuts and scrapes over the rest of my body. Ouch! This messed up my back even more.

I ended up having to get those cortisone shots in my back and when those didn't work, I had radio frequency ablation done. My back is still not fixed. It is still just as painful today if not more so than it was when it all started.
 
July 15th, 2014 I got in my Jeep to go put in several more applications and resume's when I was t-boned. The lady hit me so hard that she bent and twisted my front axle on my Jeep. I was so mad about my Jeep being wrecked that I didn't even feel the pain until I got home and sat down and took a deep breath. I hurt...and bad! So I went to the ER and got checked out. No broken bones, just bruised and I was going to be extremely sore so they gave me a painkiller. 

3 weeks later I was experiencing unrelenting headaches, stiffness in my neck, ringing in my ears and 5-10 seconds of blindness every time I sat up or stood up. I had eye tests and an MRI and bloodwork and a lumbar puncture done before being given the diagnosis of Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension or Pseudotumor Cerebri (phantom brain tumor)and Empty Sella Syndrome (squished Pituitary). Essentially I had every sign and symptom of a brain tumor without there being any actual tumor to treat or remove and it was all caused by there being too much cerebrospinal fluid around my brain. They could only treat my symptoms which meant "We don't know what to do with you, but here's a bunch of pills. Go see a therapist because its all in your head and lose some weight because that'll cure anything". I hated my doctors.

By now it was August and I was living on my unemployment and saw no way of being able to go back to work. My heart sank. I knew this was a huge road block for me and I was going to have to be patient to see where God wanted me to go with it. People, I am NOT patient. So, I let the depression get to me and I gained weight. I filled my time with sewing quilts and crocheting scarves for my kids for Christmas. Every week was multiple therapy sessions and multiple doctors appointments and 48 pills a day. In December I met a guy from one of my therapy groups that like me but I wasn't really sure I liked him. ALWAYS listen to your gut. It doesn't lie. He was getting a divorce from his wife. She left him. It was messy. I told him I wanted no part of it. He drug me into it anyways. January came and it was my last month of unemployment and I had no idea what I was going to do for February. I knew my taxes would help for a little bit but I didn't know when I'd receive them. The guy asked me to move from my apartment to get a house with him and I could babysit his son for him. He told the judge for his divorce he had a live-in nanny. I didn't know I had agreed to anything. I felt coerced. He made it seem like he wasn't going to help me with any of my bills for a week or two until I got my taxes unless I agreed to move in with him. So I did. BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER!!!!! He treated me like I was a 3 year old. I went through my brain surgery while living with him and afterwards I came out different and he didn't like it. So he packed all his things and left saying he'd pay everything for April. He lied. Now I was in a desperate state. I was in a house I couldn't pay any of the bills for getting ready to be evicted. I turned to family and friends and they all said the same thing - sorry. Go figure. It's kinda how things go in my life. I help people without a second thought but when I need help the answer is always no. I had a yardsale and started a gofundme and I got enough cash to keep me afloat and by some small miracle I found a job at a local bank as a teller on May 15th, 2015 almost a full year after I was fired from my last job due to medical issues.

Praise God!! I started out at $9.50/hr and 30 hours. It wasn't much but it was something. On June 9th, 2015, I moved into the tiny apartment I have now. I am grateful for this apartment, but I hate it because it is so small. I have no room and where I used to love cooking, now I hated it because I had nowhere to put anything to really cook. There was no AC and the kids' rooms were upstairs which meant I couldn't keep a good eye on them and stairs always make me dizzy now since my surgery. I kept a pretty close eye on my money and I even got a few raises and moved up to 40 hours by christmas and then February rolled around and I was again moved back down to 30 hours but now I was making $10.75/hour so it wasn't bad and it worked with my kids school schedule and I was able to pick them up every day and help with homework and such. April 4th, 2016 after a discussion with management, I decided that the bank was no longer a good fit for me. There was no room for personal growth within the bank essentially meaning I would forever be a teller that would be at the same pay rate and would be moved back and forth between 30 and 40 hours for the rest of my time being there. I wasn't ok with that. I have to climb that ladder and move up in a company or I don't want to be there! I have just a few more weeks here and as soon as the apartment is ready and my kids are out of school, I am out of this tiny town and all of its hindrances. Colorado Springs, here I come! 
I can finally answer the question of "where do I even start?" I start over. I start somewhere new and fresh and full of potential. I chase my dreams and I don't let a small town or rumors hold me back from what I know I can achieve. Neither should you! Have a good day :)